This random little bit of writing I'm posting branched from a random dream I had a long time ago.
Yep. I had a dream about Ramen Noodles. And when I woke up from that dream, this runt of a story came to my mind. It's coming from the perspective of a girl who would be me, if I lived in an apartment. It was cute, so I wrote it down, then forgot about it... until I found it the other day and decided to post it on here.
So, here is your little bit of odd randomness for the day. Enjoy!
Ramen Noodles. They are the cheapest and easiest meal a person can get. You can mix them into new and exciting recipies, and you can pack a lifetime supply of them into a tin can (figuratively speaking, of course). That’s why I like them.
In the eyes of other people, though, if you buy Ramen Noodles, you are living under a bridge, wearing rags, and begging for money.
At least, I’m pretty sure that when people see when they see me buying Ramen Noodles... even though I live in a tiny town and everyone knows I don't live that way.
I suspect they all think this way, because:
a) the ladies at church are constantly ordering me to come get goods from the food bank and
b) the elderly lady who lives in the apartment under me keeps buying extra groceries and sending them up to me.
Honestly, I don’t mind people thinking I’m poor, even though I’m not. When people think you’re poor, you get to see the real person under the mask, and they treat you realistically. They hate you and leave you alone, pity you and leave you alone, ignore you and leave you alone, or they give you free stuff all the time!
Now, just to be clear, I don’t like getting free stuff. I am a minimalist. I hate having stuff. Stuff clutters up your life, makes you stress about keeping it organized, and when you die, all your relatives fight over it.
Stuff is not worth it.
Food, on the other hand, is consumable and surviving relatives don’t care who gets the food.
Which brings us back to the Ramen Noodles...
As I said, they are cheap (money saver), take up very little space (space saver), cook fast (time saver), and make a fair impression on everyone who sees me buying them. So, I have a cupboard full of them. And I eat them regularly.
I know, I know! Ramen Noodles aren’t healthy for you. Everyone in my life has told me that. But there is a lot of other food in the world that is even more unhealthy… like Twinkies...
But, to make sure I stay in shape and keep those Ramen Noodles from sending me to the cemetery to live with all the other victims of Ramen Noodle overdose (scarsm alert), I drink a bunch of purified water every day, take my vitamins every day, make my own fruit juice every day, and take my dog on long walks every day. How those things extend my lifespan, I do not know (because 100% of healthy people die, last I checked), but if it makes my mother happy to know that I am "living a healthy lifestyle", then that cures half my problems right there. Because, as everyone knows: if momma ain't happy, then ain't NOBODY happy.
I've been doing some job hunting around town, and you know what I've found? A lot of people are eager to hire me, but they want me to fill out these stupid applications... and, as I look at my answers on some of these applications, I'm afraid I may be too sarcastic for anyone to consider hiring me....
Q: "Do you prefer part time or full time?"
A: Doesn't matter to me, because, for the wage you pay, both options are just slavery in a job's clothing.
Q: "Why are you applying for a job with us?"
A: Because authors aren't appreciated until they've died tragically, or of natural causes. With how poorly your employees follow health and safety protocols, I figure this is the best place to make a tragic death happen. That, and I've heard your business provides more than enough suspicious content for an author with writer's block to write an entire series of spicy crime novels.
Q: "Why did you quit your last job?"
A: Do you "quit" the mafia? No. You don't. But slavery is illegal, the mafia is sketchy, and I'd like to actually make some money for the work I do. Just don't tell my former boss that, or you and I both might end up swimming with the fishes. As far as he knows, I'm still working for him.
"To apply as a real estate content writer, please submit two short property descriptions."
Property 1 description: "This piece of land has real potential as a cactus farm, and, because of the abundance of naturally growing, gorgeous prickly pear, you'll never have to worry about kids walking through your yard."
Property 2 description: "One word, dude: Marijuana. I found a massive stash here, and the highest bidder will get the map with the hidden location."
Example newspaper report on the FFA livestock competition:
The pigs were cute. The cows were cute. The animals were all cute. The kids were not so cute. The levels of methane and armpit stink were undoubtedly at unsafe levels, and the building really needs more windows and an air conditioner. I'm pretty sure I have mold and fungus growing in my nostrils now. The city needs to cut the crap and upgrade their stupid outdated equipment in these public buildings before they get called out for endangering public health and safety.
Example news report on the recent football game:
I got food poisoning from the concession stand and gas from the cheerleaders who weren't cheering and weren't wearing bras. These are the scores that I saw flash across the board between dry heaves....xxxx..... and WHAT IS WITH THE CANNONS, PEOPLE?! Is it not obvious by all the screaming and cheering and Facebook posts and the car littered streets that you are all watching a football game? Must you have cannons as well? Must you announce to the world through endless cannon fire that you are in your place of worship and observing the sacred ritual of the pigskin?
You hopeless barbarians.
Example news report on recent oil activity:
XXX Inc. drilled a hopeful new oil well on the 20th of June. "This is very good for the business. It's been a long time since we've had a well that could pump 50,000 barrels a day." The head honcho dude with a full name told me the day after they struck oil. The company told me then that they hope to increase the output of oil by putting the well through a fracking process. The frack job was scheduled and done on August 2nd. Now, after those fracking frackers fracked a perfectly good oil well, it is now producing a massive, fracking 20 barrels a day.
"It's the most disappointing well we have EVER had." Said the fracking head honcho after the fracking job got fracked up. The business has informed me that they intend to keep the oil well alive merely for the fracking government subsidies to pay for the fracking job.
"Please write an example letter of reminder of payment due..."
Hey! Do you live under a rock? If you don't, you soon will be! If you don't pay your electric bill soon, your electric will be unplugged, your frozen TV dinners will thaw, your microwave won't work to cook them, and your TV will cease to function. Without your TV, you won't know when the aliens attack! And without your frozen TV dinners and microwave oven, you won't be able to outlast the alien invasion!
Don't give the aliens a chance. Pay your electric bill. Keep your freezer and TV on. Save the world. Thwart the alien invasion.
Payment is due by ...xxxx....
If you fail to comply, the alien invasion will begin and you will be Predator's first snack.
This is your final warning.
Have a nice day!
I was cleaning up my documents on my computer when I ran across this random story. I have no idea where I was going with it, I don't even remember how I came up with it, but it had a certain charm to it that prevented me from deleting it forever. So, I brushed it up and decided to post it on here.
“They’re going to lock me up. I’m going to be locked up. I’m a freak. I’m the stuff horror stories are made of. They’re going to lock me up.” She kept repeating the last part over and over again in whispers.
He thought a moment. He could feel her fear. She was overwhelmed with it. He knew how she felt: in her mind there was no end in sight.
“Yes, they will lock you up,” He said.
She went silent instantaneously.
“If you continue to submit to your fears, your nightmares, and your anger, then yes; they will have no choice but to lock you up. But,” he added “If you step out of your comfort zone, take control of your fears, learn how to be yourself again, and use your power for good, then no one will ever be able to lock you away. Not mentally. Not physically. Not ever.”
A blue dinner plate sized eye looked out at him, moist and glassy with tears, and the serpentine slit contracted, focusing on him.
“But… I’m so, so…” The curtain she hid behind shivered as she did. “I don’t want to be locked up again. I don’t want to be a monster. I’m so scared.” She whispered the last part.
He nodded. “That’s to be expected. I don’t believe anyone blames you for feeling that way.” He held his hand out toward her. “You don’t have to face this alone, Nova. You have friends, and they are ready to help you. I’m ready to help you.” He added the last part slowly.
She stared at him for a long moment, then she shifted and moved. Slowly, a giant, clawed, scaly paw moved out to meet his. As soon as the light hit her paw, she froze, staring at it in horror. He pushed his hand out farther, drawing her attention back to him. He gently wrapped his fingers around one of her massive digits, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
She swallowed hard, loud enough to plainly hear, then she took a deep breath. “Okay. I can do this. As long as someone is willing to give me a little help, I can help myself.”
He smiled, “That sounds like the Nova I know.”
A faint smile spread over her features, then she moved out from behind the curtain and into the open.
Her scales glittered as the light touched them and the wings on her back trembled lightly. The end of her long tail twitched back and forth anxiously. She crouched low on her four powerful legs, and her head hung close to the floor.
He reached down and put his hand under her jaw, gently pulling her head up. “A dragon does not bow her head so low to the ground.” He said as she slowly lifted her head to his eye level, “She carries it tall, with a grace and strength and confidence that will make her ancestors proud.”
“I don’t feel very confident.” She said in a soft, quivering voice.
He nodded. “You know that. I know that. But nobody else has to know that, right?”
She stared at him for a moment, her eyes twitching as she thought about his words, then she lifted her head and stood to her full height, pushing her chest out and folding her wings in tight.
He smiled at her. “That’s what a proud dragon looks like.”
Don't forget to check out the previous challenges: The Writing Challenge.
Today's Challenge: Does your current WIP have a happy ending or a sad ending?
Can I plead the fifth?
Well, considering my WIP is actually part of a series and I want people to stay hooked to it, and also keeping in mind that I am a sociopath with psychopath tendencies and no energy to go out and start a anti-batman gang.... My two current works in progress both have slightly sad endings.
What can I say? Happy endings are for fairy tales. But, don't worry! Everything does eventually work out. I am planning a happy ending in the very last book.
If you haven't been keeping up with this challenge so far, here are the previous days!: DAY ONE, DAY TWO, DAY THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN, EIGHTEEN, NINETEEN, TWENTY, TWENTY-ONE, TWENTY-TWO, TWENTY-THREE, TWENTY-FOUR, TWENTY-FIVE, TWENTY-SIX, and TWENTY-SEVEN.
Today's challenge: Your favorite fairy tale or fable
That's a hard one. The Bear and the Wren, or King Thrushbeard, or Rumpelstiltskin.... does Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream count?
I like the Bear and the Wren, because... well... I like bears. And I like how the Wren was so smart and crafty and insisted on general politeness, that he became king of the forest because of that. I think it would make for a fun movie!
I like the story of King Thrushbeard because of the hard lesson of humility that the princess had to learn. Not everything in life would go her way, there were consequences to her actions, and married life was NOT all romance and roses. It was hard work.
I also love the determination of King Thrushbeard himself. He loved the princess, and even though she was rude and clearly uninterested in him, he didn't give up on her and go home. He just found another way to win her heart, and he kept working at it until the princess really, truly loved him back.
That's true love.
Rumpelstiltskin has always been a favorite of mine... I don't know why. I've always felt a little sorry for the wee chap. It seems to me he was unfairly treated. The queen made a promise to him, and even though I wouldn't want to give up my firstborn child to a wee imp either, a promise is a promise! She shouldn't have made the promise so foolishly. But, she was just like so many girls are - worried about what's going on in the moment, and taking no thought for the future.
My mom raised me on Shakespeare and shunned Disney princess movies like the plague (homeschoolers... gotta love 'em.) Midsummer Night's Dream has always been one of my favorite Shakespeare plays. The love triangles, the misunderstandings, the trickery, Puck.... Puck was my hero. He was so silly and naughty.
There are better Shakespeare plays than A Midsummer Night's Dream, but as a child, that was the easiest play to understand and so it became my favorite. And it stays a favorite because of that.
If you haven't been keeping up with the challenge so far, you can catch up here: The Writing Challenge Series.
Today's challenge: a future version of yourself travels back in time and tells you that no matter how hard you work to market your books, you never make a single penny off your writing. Do you still continue to write, knowing there's no hope of selling your books?
Well, first I would slap myself and tell myself I was lying, because I have made money off my book. Good money. Sporadic, it may be, and easily spent it also may be, but I have made lots of pennies off of it!
Next, the news would be a huge relief to me. I would stop trying to market my books! Marketing is the worst thing EVER, so I would be glad to give it up, especially if I knew it was a fruitless endeavor.
After that, I'd start looking for a real job... like... becoming a baby panda hugger or a professional mermaid.
But would I stop writing? No way! I write for the fun of it, to get the monsters and crazies out of my head. And just because my books don't get any attention while I'm alive doesn't mean that they wouldn't become popular after I was dead. They might even get made into a movie! Just do me a favor: if someone decides to make a movie of my books after I'm dead, charge onto set and make sure they don't mess the whole story up! Those Hollywood people have no idea what they are doing and need all the help they can get.
If you haven't been keeping up with the challenge, you can catch up by checking out this category right here: The Writing Challenge Series
Today's Challenge: the first sentence of the first chapter of your first published novel/story.
"This was not going over well at all." - Tales of the Wovlen: The Dragon's Son
Um. Well. That was underwhelming.
I really need to work on my first sentence hook. It would have sounded better if I had gone with "He expected his brother would disagree with him, fight with him even, but not threaten war and raise an army in one breath." or "He'd expected to challenge his brother, not a demon." or "His brother throwing a tantrum was expected, but threatening to unleash a crazed dragon and start a war was going too far."
Because, you know, dragons are instant attention grabbers and great hooks. So are demons. And wars too. ANYTHING is better than "Well. That didn't go so good. Derp, derp, derp."
Having trouble keeping up with the challenge? Don't worry about it! You can always go back and read what you've missed just by clicking this link right here --> The Writing Challenge Series.
Today's challenge: Your writing buddy
Wow. If I had taken this challenge only 8 months earlier, today's would have been a sad tale of a lone wolf author who was forced to survive the harsh world on her own, hunting down the review bunnies and surviving on the scraps of editing tips thrown to her by those passing by on the internet...
Okay, not totally.... But almost!.... But that's not the point! The point is that I do have a writing buddy!
F.P. Spirit, hands down... or up... that always confuses me... is it down or up? How about sideways?
Anyway, F.P. Spirit is my writing buddy. He has, in a way, become my dad and mentor in the author/writer dimension.
We met via a Facebook writing group in 2014 (HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG?!?). He needed an editor and I pointed him toward the one I used at the time. When he published his first book, a fantasy, I scrambled to review it (I didn't have many fantasy authors in my circles at the time and I was *cough* desperate for some fantasy to break up the western monotony... sorry! I'm not a huge fan of western.).
I was instantly hooked to his book series! I loved the color and depth of his story and his characters. I was ashamed of my own book, honestly, because I thought it paled in comparison.
He ended up reading my book as well and was equally impressed with it. In fact, if I remember correctly, he told me he was absolutely blown away by it.... but that was a couple of years ago, so I could be getting that wrong... cough, cough....
ANYWAY. After that, we kept talking. We became friends and started learning things together. Then we started bouncing ideas off each other, and we started challenging each other in our writing, and then he talked me into using Skype for meetings (always had Skype... never used it), and now I think we've shared too many of our writing secrets with each other, so we're basically in this two person cult now and will have to shred the other person's drafts if they try to leave said cult so that our sacred writing secrets are kept safe.... okay, not really, but you get the point.
I think my writing has improved 50 times more since becoming friends with F.P. Spirit. It has been great to have someone that I can bounce ideas off of, talk about author troubles to, and ask weird author questions in front of (and sometimes even get an answer!).
I honestly didn't know what I was missing out on when I was a lone wolf author. Having a writing buddy is awesome.
I only hope that I have provided as much "miracle grow" to our friendship as he has!
Want to see the other challenge days? Here you go! (you're welcome): The Writing Challenge Series
Today's challenge: Your go-to writing spot
My bed or my desk.
Usually, I start at my desk, then my buttocks get sore, so I move to the bed, then my legs go to sleep and I move to the desk, then my back starts hurting and I move back over to the bed, then I flop onto the floor until my hips start killing me, then I go back to my desk and etc...
This can go on for quite a while, depending on how wrapped up I am in my writing at the moment. Honestly, I need an extra wide La-Z-Boy chair - one of those chair & a half ones, or something. That way, I can prop my legs up on a stool and write, slide a sofa table up and write, recline and write, sit cross legged and write, or whatever! I could sit (or lay) in any position I want and keep on writin'!
Anybody want to donate a chair & a half for the cause? Or a chaise?
*Listens to the crickets in the audience*
So, is that a "no" or a "I'm thinking about it"?
Hey everyone! Have you kept up with the writing challenge? Well, in case you have missed a day or two, here is where you can find the entire challenge! - The Writing Challenge Series
Today's challenge: Your go-to writing snack.
I don't snack when I'm writing. I may have a drink (coffee, root beer, tea-hot-Earl Grey...), but I don't snack. The only time I snack is when I have writers block.
I'm a boredom eater. I eat when there is nothing going on in my brain and I'm bored. When I am writing, there is a LOT going on in my brain. I went two days without food one time because I was so wrapped up in my writing.
When I have some writing to do, I will turn on some forest, river, or storm ambiance, grab something to drink, and sit down and write. If I brought food into my writing area, I would spend my time eating. I wouldn't be able to focus until the food was consumed. Once I vanquished the food, then I would want more, and I wouldn't be able to focus until I got more. It's a vicious cycle.
When there is food in my writing zone, I don't get any writing done... like, NONE. At all. In fact, food is the best weapon my family has. If they notice that I've been missing for a while (three or four days), they'll make some tasty Italian dish that just makes your nose melt, it smells so good. Then Kris will come upstairs with a bowl of it and nonchalantly start eating it in front of me. That's when my concentration goes POOF! Appetite takes over and drives the wagon off the cliff and I eat a whole lasagna, six loaves of buttered garlic bread, three cheesecakes, and the boxes they came in.
Yeah. Food is the only thing that can drive a big solid wedge between me and writing. In fact, it doesn't even have to get in-between me and writing! Food can just stand behind Writing and wave at me with a smile, and I'll run Writing over with a dump truck to get to Food.
Yeah. It's bad.
Author of the fantasy series, Tales of the Wovlen, Kathryn spends a great deal of time in the world of her imagination, having tea with fire breathing dragons, writing books on flying space ships, and practicing her mad scientist laugh with gusto. However, on occasion,she returns to this world just to play with her dog and blog about her fun.
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